If I would say anything it was absolute crap.
For better or worse lessons were learned and paths were set.
I saw changes in the lives of the people around me, while I only experienced change in my personality. I grew stronger and more driven, yet colder and more bitter. I felt my mind change from a clumsy tool seeking desperately for a piece of the puzzle, an answer to why this was all happening, to becoming a willful master of my own Destiny. Stop me for now, but eventually you will bow before my Will.
I trust a little less – though I desperately want to be able to never doubt a person’s intentions or word. I never really could go that far to begin with. But now I can’t help but think “How could you possibly fuck this up for me?” and sure enough I get an answer and learn again that I’m just too accommodating for other people. I learn what about me? Why do I have to be so unhappy to make you happy?
I learned how strong I really am. In this dark time when I saw no hope, I sought the light. I knew it was always there it was a matter of finding it, and so I did. Linger in despair for no longer than a couple of months, but move on! Exist if you have to, but only for a couple of month, then live again. Depression ended up taking its toll on my health, and though I feel the eerie beginnings of overworking myself, I have come a long way from my nightly torture to not having to suffer seriously for several months now. I’m reminded to relax from time to time. Yes it’s important to push ahead, but it’s important to have fun from time to time.
I know that I’m being taken advantage of, so now I feel it is time that I take advantage of them. I make no secret of when I feel treated unfairly or when I’m over worked, and if they fail to heed my warnings, I find myself abusing the situation. I don’t feel entitled to do so. But I have learned to treat others as they have treated me.
I am touched by my distant relatives, who treat me as one of their own, when my own family only bothers with me when they want something from me. I’ve decided that when I leave, my efforts to keep in touch will be kept at a bare minimum. There’s no reason to be apart of a family who wouldn’t have me to begin with. Too different, too conservative, too fixated on a greater future than on the family drama.
I know that in life I can get what I want. Now it is time to prove it!

I can only pray that 2009 is better. I’ve worked so hard for these past two year only to watch it all slip away. Though I honestly can’t see that happening, even in the event of the loss of my current employment; I would see it as a sign to move on. I may not want to move to another city such as Toronto or Ottawa, though I would if I had to. I’d prefer to move to my intended destination – Scotland. Even then, if it’s not possible I would settle for nearly anywhere in the UK. Soon I will be trying again, and hopefully I will hear something from the intended company. Never have I tried to so hard to get what I wanted. Hopefully, I will be happier with this new job (I’m told a job change for me is inevitable anyway. I wonder if that’s true).
Family wise… I’m probably better off without them. They’ve proven to be less than supportive of anything I’ve attempted to accomplish over these past few years. Any words that would have been supportive were always muttered in a sneer or as some sarcastic slap in the face. At this time I feel it wise to indulge in certain selfish behaviors, if only for my own survival. Some people simply cannot be helped.
For my own personal gains, I want to increase my skills in drawing/painting, finish my novel, and start my graphic novel or web comic. All very time consuming things to accomplish in one year. I wonder though, if I remain in this icy pit I refer to as my personal Hell (or limbo or purgatory depending on my mood), will I ever see the advancement or completion of these tasks? Or will I find myself consumed once more in attempting to sever the chains of my bondage. I hope for my own personal frame of mind that I do find my freedom, because I honestly don’t know how well I’d handle yet another year of putting my life on hold.

Increase Commission Work
Build on Character Designs and Style
Learn Character Modelling (with Confidence)
Be in finishing stages of novel The Awakening: Dreamscape
Develop Drawing Skills
Develop Painting Skills
Live in Scotland
Find Permenant work in Scotland that pays well and treats me well
Start a Traveling Blog/Dairy to keep in touch with family who cares
Travel - see more of the country
Get G2 licence ....if I'm still in Canada *shudder*

Drawn: 0 / 7 hours
Portfolio: 7+hrs needed 20+ pieces

I found a nice little tut that turned out to be a massive chore. I'm learning a lot and hopefully that will help increase the speed at which I work and the effecientcy of future pieces. I'm nearly done modeling a couple of rooms and one outdoor piece. It comes as a major relief that my attention to detail in these particular cases have not been my undoing. I may have to re-do a room, but I will see if I can force it visually at this time and re-work it at a later time. One project is on hold on account of my irrational fear of Splines...mainly due to my lack of control/mastery over the tool. After completing this current tut, I feel more confident in working interiors. My next tut I hope to learn more about nurbs and hopefully my next couple of pieces will demonstrate what I have learned. I have 96 hours of my free time to put in before I have to send out a portfolio. God Help Me.